


Our Own Thing

by irisbleufic



Series: Glow [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Asexuality Spectrum, Awkward Flirting, Banter, Bickering, Bisexuality, Canon Compliant, Canon deviation, Close Calls, Confessions, Demisexuality, Driving, During Canon, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Sex, First Kiss, First Time, Foiled Confessions, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hit With A Clue-By-Four, Idiots in Love, Jewish Character, Love Confessions, M/M, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Matter of Life and Death, Meddling, Missing Scene, Post-Canon, Radio, Road Trips, Season/Series 02, Teasing, altered scenes, but still canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-01 09:51:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15771696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irisbleufic/pseuds/irisbleufic
Summary: “I don’t know why I bother,” Farah offered, hoping Todd would join her in self-deprecation.“I’m starting to ask myself the same question,” he said slowly, flashing her a lopsided grin.“Starting?” Dirk scoffed, punching Todd in the arm. “It’s about two months too late for that,andyou sampled the goods. No take-backsies.”





	1. Clue-by-Four

**1.**

To Silas’s aggrieved shock, it was not the need for breath that stopped them, as badly winded as they were. Their flight from the Sorcerer’s Apprentice and her army had taken a different toll, one that resulted in the witch-girl, Amanda, falling to the earth in mystifying agony.

While her brother and four devoted knights—or bodyguards, perhaps, after the manner that Wygar had been to Silas—rushed to her side, Silas watched Dirk Gently. That a legend come to life could stand so frozen, look so _helpless_ after he had fought so fiercely…

“I am sorry for what I did,” Silas offered, beckoning him aside as Amanda’s strangely-armed cohort closed the siblings in a protective circle while the Beast stood wary guard. “Your injury is worse than mine,” he said, indicating that Dirk should let him examine the cut on his shoulder. “Never should I have deemed it wise to strike a friend to those I did not wish to see die.”

“For someone who didn’t want to see them get the snip,” said Dirk, tremulously, as Silas studied his thankfully shallow wound, “you were doing a whole lot of nothing.”

Silas shook his head, ashamed, indicating with a light pat that Dirk was in no immediate peril.

“While perhaps lacking in technique, you defended your man and his sister most admirably,” he said, swallowing the bile that rose in his throat at the knowledge Wygar was surely gone. “Dirk Gently, you are indeed brave.”

Dirk straightened his jacket, his features softening as he offered Silas his hand in reconciliation.

“My—wait, do you mean Todd?” he asked, withdrawing as swiftly as they’d shaken. “Insofar as he’s been serving in the role of Assistant as well as BFF, yes, I suppose he’s—oh. _Oh_. Hang on, did you mean…”

“I mean to say that I recognize what he is to you,” Silas offered, regretting the doubtless painful circumstances he was about to mention, “and feel sorrow that perhaps in your world such things are frowned upon. Forgive me, but your silence and restraint speak volumes.”

Dirk had frozen again, but after sparing a glance at Todd, his expression was one of puzzlement.

“Well, to be honest, things are a lot better in our world than they used to be when it comes to—I’m sorry, what he _is_ to me?” he blurted. “You can’t possibly be suggesting…”

Sighing heavily, Silas patted Dirk on his uninjured shoulder and urged him to step even closer.

“I saw the look that passed between you as you released him from his bonds,” he said, voice low so the others would not hear. “Tell me truly, if Amanda had not joined your reunion—what then?”

Abruptly lost in troubled reflection, Dirk opened his mouth, closed it, and then opened it again.

“If I’m totally honest, I was about to take him in my arms and kiss all over his ridiculous face and never let go ever, _ever_ again, because the number of times he’s almost died because of me is unaccepta— _oh_ no. No no no. _Shit_.”

“I would not have you be hard on yourself as we flee for our lives,” said Silas, as consolingly as he could, “but I fear it may be too late for that. Just know that you are not alone. Panto and I have endured no end of hardship and separation, yet we are the stronger for it.”

“Oh my _God_ ,” Dirk said in dismay. “I am completely arse over _teacup_ for Todd. Talk about a fraught workplace relationship. Granted, we’ve had _no_ sense of boundaries from day one, and several incidents on the night we got hit with some sort of inhibition-lowering sorcery suggest—”

“Tell him,” Silas pleaded. “For the love of my world and yours, tell him before it’s too late.”

 

**2.**

Todd watched Amanda approach the Pool of the Empty Throne, keenly aware of how close beside him Dirk had been hovering ever since the Rowdy 3 had put an end to Amanda’s attack. Even here, concealed in leaf-strewn ruins, Dirk’s silent distress had only intensified.

“What do you want us to do?” Martin asked Amanda, his daunting demeanor graver than ever.

Unthinking, when Dirk swallowed a fearful sound in response, Todd took hold of Dirk’s hand.

“Just step back,” Amanda said, turning back to the pool, submerging her hands without warning.

As she screamed, Todd squeezed Dirk’s hand even harder than Dirk had been squeezing his.

“Wow,” he said, watching the calm water become a violent, blue-lit vortex, “she can really do that.”

“Yes,” agreed Dirk, pulling Todd closer, in something resembling horrified delight, “she can.”

The moment dissolved as Amanda fell back and the pool resumed its calm. They both rushed to her, their connection broken. As they helped her to her feet, Dirk’s eyes never once left Todd’s.

“That was incredible,” Todd said, reluctantly tearing his gaze away from Dirk’s. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just, I—” Amanda looked to him in uncharacteristic hesitation “—I can’t keep it open.”

“What do you need?” Todd asked, noticing Dirk had made an abortive attempt to reach for him.

“It’s too much by myself,” Amanda explained. “I haven’t done it without Wakti. I needed more time with her.” She turned to Dirk with a look of apology. “I could maybe get you there, like, one way, but then you’d be stuck—and I don’t know if I could get you back.”

Dirk pointed at her with both hands as he began to back away, a clear sign he’d begun to panic.

“That seems _not_  great,” he said, looking desperately from Amanda to Todd and back again.

“Bad shapes come here,” Beast interjected with plaintive urgency, tugging at Vogel’s sleeve.

“You guys...?” Vogel ventured, sounding more frightened than Todd had assumed possible.

Beast shook Vogel’s arm, increasingly agitated, eyeing them all in turn. “Lady! _Lady_!”

From the look of things, Todd realized what she meant in precisely the same instant Dirk did.

“Wait, Todd!” Amanda exclaimed, grabbing Todd before he could grab Dirk. “You can help me!

“What?” Todd demanded, struggling against her grasp. “No, I can’t do that. I’m not like you.”

“No, you’re not,” conceded Amanda, sarcastically. “ _But_ —you could maybe use your energy, and it would help me keep the portal open? You just have to try.”

“Guys,” Vogel pleaded sharply, “Rainbow Monster is trying to tell us something bad’s coming!”

As familiar, unnatural laughter echoed ominously around them, Todd shifted closer to Dirk.

“Bad Shapes Lady!” Beast lamented, at this point appealing tearfully to anyone who’d listen.

“Suzie,” Todd said, despairing. “Okay, yes, just—whatever you say. Just—I’ll do it. I’m in.”

“We’ll slow that witch down,” Martin said, turning on his heel, beckoning his crew. “Boys...”

Dirk shot Todd a look of sheer distress, about at the end of his tether. It hurt like hell to watch.

“Wait!” Todd said, appealing to Amanda. “Dirk and I need the Rowdy 3 to come through with us.

“You can’t help me keep the portal open _and_ go through,” Amanda replied, exasperated.

At that revelation, Dirk’s anxious expression went from disheartening to downright devastating.

“Shit,” Todd hissed, having finally hit wits’ end, turning to face Dirk fully, “but then...”

The dawning resignation in Dirk’s glance carried a spark of hope, but Todd’s heart still stopped.

“It’s—it’s all right,” said Dirk, looking to Todd with all the finality of parting, “I’ll do it alone.”

However much Todd regretted the next thing out of his mouth, the words had already escaped.

“You seriously want to go back to Blackwing by yourself?” he said, already numb with disbelief.

Dirk just about lost his shit. “Want, _hah_ , may be a strong word, Todd, _but_ —”

“Where are you going, Dirk Gently?” sing-songed Suzie Boreton, thunder looming ever nearer.

“Want truly is a strong word,” Dirk continued, flighty hands on the defensive, closing in on himself as he backpedaled, “and yet no other more perspicuous appellations are currently traveling to my mind with _any_ degree of alacrity to allow me to concisely articulate—”

“Is he okay?” Amanda whispered to Todd, attempting to keep it under her breath, but failing.

Todd caught Dirk by the shoulders, clinging for dear life. Wasn’t that how fairytales went?

“Dirk, stop with the—” Todd’s breath caught at Dirk’s plaintive sob “—words.” He slid his arms around Dirk before he fully understood what he was doing. “Don’t spin out. You can do this.”

Dirk nodded at him, steeling what was left of his shattered resolve, nodding with a tearful smile.

“Okay,” he said, sucking in his breath and opening his eyes, hands trembling against Todd’s chest. “But if this is going to be the last time I ever see you, which it very well might be—what I’m really trying to say is—” he caught Todd’s face in his hands with a quiet, breathless sob and another heartbreaking smile “—that hair color is dreadful on you, and I  _hate_  it.”

And then he kissed Todd with perfect, reckless abandon, so Todd held fast and kissed him back.

“I’d go with you if I could,” he vowed, dazed, as soon as he could, his breath a rush against Dirk’s lips. “If—if once the portal’s open, if there’s _any_ way—I’ll follow.”

“Oh, _Todd_ ,” Dirk lamented, refusing to let go, “I never got to—just, I never _meant_ —”

“Listen up, lovebirds, there’s no time,” Amanda said, roughly shaking them apart. “Focus.”

Todd kissed Dirk one last time because he could, and because it might be all they had left.

“You’ll come back to me, I know it,” he said with resolve. “You always do. Are you ready?”

“Yes,” Dirk said, managing to sound even more defiantly certain than Todd. “I can do this.”

 

**3.**

Bidding Amanda and her expanding crew farewell whilst standing at Todd’s side was a happier ending than Dirk had dared hope for. Still, the idyllic glow of it flickered as Todd reached into his hoodie pocket, withdrew his pill bottle, and aimlessly swallowed a few.

“You okay?” Dirk asked softly, fearing he’d lost his chance to address what they’d been avoiding.

“You know what?” Todd said, regarding him candidly, leaning far too close. “I really am.”

Dirk nodded, forcing a grin—eyes downcast, ready to let that be that—and Todd kissed him.

“Hey, Dirk,” murmured Todd, after about five shameless seconds of pinning Dirk against the grill and slipping him a shiver-worthy hint of tongue. “You solved the case.”

“ _Eh_ ,” Dirk demurred giddily, catching hold of Todd’s hoodie so that he couldn’t move away just yet, entranced by how heated their proximity felt. “It was an easy one.”

“An easy one?” Todd echoed, nudging into him until their hips pressed flush. “Go screw yourself!”

That merited another kiss, so Dirk took the initiative, quick and cheeky. “Everything is relative.”

“Oh,” Todd said, challenging, but he lingered over Dirk’s lips like a dare. “Is that your new thing?”

Dirk sucked in his breath, letting go of Todd’s hoodie so he could catch him around the waist.

“I was hoping, you know, maybe,” he began, swallowing unsteadily, “instead of telling me to go screw myself, what you really meant was...”

Todd kissed Dirk all over again, the slide of his tongue and the drug’s faint trace mesmerizing.

“You thought maybe…?” he breathed unevenly, quite possibly in worse condition than Dirk.

Dirk wanted nothing so much as to drag him back for more, to devour him, but he sighed.

“Todd, I—I love you, and I want _very_ much to—to, _um_ , make love to you, if—”

“Oh _Jesus_ ,” Todd managed, his breath enticingly ragged against Dirk’s jawline. “Yes.”

Dirk clung to him, until there was no doubt in the world how much either of them wanted this.

“Just find us a place for the night,” he said, intoxicated with relief. “Injury limitations notwithstanding, I’ll do my best to show you just how much…”

“If Rainbow Monster isn’t your new thing, and relativity isn’t, either—what you’re saying is that I _am_?” asked Todd, as if he couldn’t believe his luck.

In no mood for delay, awkwardly pinned as he was, Dirk gave Todd a pathetic reciprocal thrust.

“Listen, I’m quite sure I could get off right here if you just went on kissing me. Understood?”

Disappointingly, Todd pushed away from him, fetched Dirk’s crutches, and shoved them at him.

“Car,” he said, opening the passenger-side door for Dirk, helping him in. “ _Now_. Call Hobbs.”

“But he’s in hospital,” Dirk protested, “and there’s the chance his phone might be—wait, why?”

“Because his place has the closest empty bed, and it’s free,” Todd said, making his way around to the driver’s side. “I can clean up after us tomorrow if it means getting to hold you all night.”

Dirk reached across the center console to fish Todd’s phone out of his hoodie pocket.

“That is _so_ bizarrely romantic,” he said with feeling, locating Hobbs’s number. “Done!”

Getting permission to stay in Hobbs’s house for as long as it took Farah to be discharged from the hospital was easy. Almost _too_ easy. Dirk unequivocally agreed to care and feeding of the ailing cat; meanwhile, Todd squeezed Dirk’s free hand and ignored the speed limit.

On arrival, Dirk hobbled out of the car with Todd’s assistance. They kissed on the threshold, slow and aching, once they’d fetched the uncreatively doormat-concealed key.

“This isn’t exactly, you know, my apartment or your apartment,” Todd stammered, abashed as he closed and locked the door behind them, “but it’s…I mean, I hope it’s a start?”

“Todd,” Dirk said, nudging at Dirk’s heel with his crutch before hopping toward the bedroom, “stop with the words.”

“That’s fair,” Todd said, dashing to catch up with him, comically shedding his hoodie and trainers in the process. “I deserved that.”

Dirk flopped on the edge of the bed, wincing and propping his crutches. “Smells clean enough?”

“Hobbs is no slouch,” Todd agreed, settling beside him, “and he’s hardly been here all week.”

Uninclined to waste time, Dirk leaned in for another searing kiss and tugged at Todd’s t-shirt.

“Get out of this, please,” he said in a tone he hoped was seductive. “ _And_ these,” he added, fussing with the button of Todd’s jeans without any shame. He’d earned it.

“Jeez,” Todd huffed, his exhalation muffled against Dirk’s mouth, as Dirk unfastened him.

Unfortunately, getting Dirk naked was more of a production, what with the bandage and the persistent pain in his thigh. Even so, he trembled in anticipation at Todd’s slightest touch.

“You know we’re not that well prepared,” Todd sighed, running his hands up Dirk’s chest until Dirk thought he might faint from either embarrassment or the thrill. “We can’t really…”

“Please,” Dirk begged, tugging Todd down to lie beside him, persistently guiding Todd’s hand.

“Is it okay if I do this,” Todd whispered, never mind that Dirk had pointedly wrapped Todd’s shaking fingers around his cock. “Dirk, I—”

“It’s okay, it’s an entire _dimension_ of okay,” Dirk groaned, arching into him. “Please.”

“You don’t have to beg,” Todd mumbled against Dirk’s neck, stroking him fast and gentle.

While Dirk couldn’t get at Todd to reciprocate, Todd seemed _blissfully_ fine with rubbing against Dirk’s uninjured thigh. He held onto Todd as tightly as he dared, overwhelmed.

“Silas put you up to this, didn’t he,” Todd panted, kissing Dirk into the pillows. “Unless…?”

“He gave me a nudge in the right direction,” Dirk gasped, impatient, pulling Todd on top of him.

“Wish we could, dunno, send flowers,” Todd said, more of a moan than anything intelligible.

“ _Oh_ ,” Dirk managed, mouth hanging open in surprise as Todd ground down against him.

Where perhaps they had what Dirk deemed the worst stamina in the universe, they more than made up for it in heart. He came with a cry, trembling beneath Todd’s warm, slight weight. Todd didn’t take terribly long to follow, whimpering sweetly while Dirk kissed him through it.

“The bed’s not what I should’ve been worried about,” Todd said at length, checking Dirk’s bandage.

“We have spares,” Dirk replied, feeling muddled and a bit soppy. “You’ll have to change it.”

“Asshole,” Todd muttered, lazily nuzzling into Dirk’s neck. “They’re in the car, aren’t they?”

Dirk nodded with a happy sigh. If this wasn’t did-it worthy, then he didn’t know what was.


	2. Pancakes

Todd could tell without opening his eyes that they’d slept late. The glow from between Hobbs’s curtains hit his eyelids uncomfortably; he blinked at the bedside clock. Almost ten.

Dirk yawned and nuzzled Todd’s collarbone, sending a swift, warm shiver through them both.

“Good morning, darling,” he mumbled absently, exhaling in contentment against Todd’s skin.

The endearment was enough to make Todd instantly tilt Dirk’s chin up for an awkward kiss.

“Hey,” Todd whispered, stroking Dirk’s cheek as they eased apart. “Love you. I didn’t say it back when you did. You know, like an asshole.”

Dirk made a weary sound and turned his attention to nibbling on Todd’s ear—sleepy, but enthusiastic.

“You sucked me off twice before the night was out,” he said matter-of-factly. “That speaks volumes.”

Todd flushed at the memory of everything they’d done from the moment they’d hit Hobbs’s sheets until they were too exhausted to go another round. The feel of Dirk’s hand on him coupled with the shy brush of Dirk’s tongue against his earlobe was Todd’s new favorite thing.

“You weren’t too shabby yourself,” he yawned, letting his eyes fall shut. “I can’t believe you’ve never done this, but, uh, that’s not saying much. It’s not like I’m…prolific.”

“When I’m better,” Dirk promised, “and back to normal flexibility, I’m going to taste every inch of you. Also, I think the word you’re looking for is _promiscuous_ , but I appreciate your gentility.”

Stifling a laugh, Todd kissed Dirk’s forehead and hugged Dirk to his chest. He almost couldn’t believe it.

“You’re not that flexible,” he said. “I’ve seen you try to climb a load of shit by now. Unsuccessfully.”

“Yes, well,” Dirk sniffed. “Even with a dueling laceration and a bullet wound, I climbed you like a tree.”

“I stand corrected,” Todd sighed in fond exasperation, his body responding to the brush sudden of Dirk’s fingers down the back of his thigh. “Where there’s a Dirk, there’s a way.”

“You’re so clingy,” Dirk marveled, repeating the caress until Todd trembled. “As clingy as I am at _least_.”

“I’m making up for lost time,” said Todd, as Dirk rolled him onto his back. “Jeez, don’t hurt yourself.”

Dirk grimaced at the pressure the position undoubtedly put on his thigh, but dipped to kiss Todd anyway.

“I want to do this,” Dirk said, kissing Todd’s neck until Todd felt faint. “Want to take care of you like you take care of me,” he went on, almost petulantly, but fuck if it wasn’t sexy as hell. He shifted lower with a grunt of discomfort, mouthing a messy trail down Todd’s chest. “ _Mmm_.”

“I probably don’t taste that good,” Todd protested halfheartedly as Dirk licked the crease of his thigh. “I haven’t showered since before picking you up from the hospital yesterday.”

“And I probably taste like latex and antiseptic,” Dirk said smugly. “Didn’t stop _you_ , did it?”

“Well, no,” Todd said, letting his head drop back against the pillow. “Oh my God, that feels good.”

Dirk stopped teasing at the insides of Todd’s thighs, shifting his focus to where Todd really wanted it. He lavished a few teasing kisses against the head of Todd’s cock, humming thoughtfully.

“Does it make you more sensitive, I wonder,” he said curiously, giving Todd a firm stroke, “being cut?”

Todd couldn’t do much more than lift his head to blink at Dirk in hazy dismay. Unreal, seeing him there.

“I don’t know,” he faltered as Dirk locked eyes with him. “You’re really sensitive, and you’re, um, not.”

Dirk took Todd in his mouth—slow and wet, _perfect_ —maybe testing how far he could take him.

“Dirk, _fuck_ ,” Todd whimpered, his head hitting the pillow. “Jesus, I—are you trying to choke—”

Dirk shook his head, his eyes widening slightly as he swallowed around Todd before hastily popping off.

“I don’t think my pharyngeal muscles and respiratory system are coordinated enough for deep-throating,” he informed Todd conversationally, giving him a few demanding strokes. “Thoughts?”

“If you think I’m thinking _anything_ right now,” Todd cautioned, already far closer than he’d like.

“Ah,” Dirk said happily, nuzzling Todd’s cock like he didn’t even mind the leaking mess. “Understood.”

“How are you even real,” Todd mumbled, but a split-second later all he could manage was a weak moan.

Dirk sucked in as much of Todd as he could, as if his life depended on doing this one thing to the exclusion of all else. Lifting his head again, Todd disentangled his fingers from the sheets and slid his fingers through Dirk’s soft, disarrayed hair, his breath catching at the sight.

“Stop, wait, stop,” he panted, his thighs already tensing, “this is, Dirk, this is— _fuck_. Can I…”

Embarrassing, trying to explain while this far gone that he wanted to come on Dirk’s face, but Dirk got the idea. He closed his eyes as he pulled off, reveling in it. That was more than enough to finish Todd.

Several seconds later, Dirk’s breathy, satisfied groan was enough to let Todd know what all of Dirk’s squirming had been for. Todd let go of Dirk’s hair and rubbed his shoulders, gasping.

“Don’t ask me if you did it right, okay? I don’t think there’s a…a right or a wrong way, as long as…”

“Turns out you taste like _you_ ,” Dirk said, contently resting his head against Todd’s stomach.

Unable to resist temptation, his breath still labored, Todd propped himself up on his elbows and stared.

“I must look a fright,” Dirk said, voice tinged with laughter, lifting his head to grin at Todd. “Tissues?”

Todd grinned and swiped the box off the bedside table, handing it to him. It was then he noticed that his phone had somehow ended up down near the foot of the bed, and the screen was lit with a message.

“Can you see who that is?” he asked while Dirk got down to cleaning. “Might be something important.”

Dirk readily picked up the phone with his free hand, bringing it up closer to his face while he worked.

“Rude,” he scoffed, handing Todd the phone, wiping off his cheek. “There was nothing nasty about it.”

Todd squinted at the message from Tina. It read: _did u get nasty? deets. i got $50 riding on ur asses._

“I mean, is she implying that at least one of them was betting we _weren’t_ going to?” Dirk went on, sounding distinctly let-down as he tossed his used tissues carelessly on the floor. “Quite frankly, I’m disappointed.”

Todd smiled, flopped back against the pillows, and typed, _Which of you losers thought we wouldn’t?_

Tina’s response was alarmingly quick: _farah thought u would say no b/c of dirk’s booboos._

Dirk’s expression while Todd read it aloud was priceless. Wincing, he clambered up to lie beside Todd, snuggling into the curve of Todd’s arm. He made a grab for the phone, failed, and let his arm flop.

“Tell her my boo-boos are no obstacle, thanks,” he huffed into Todd’s shoulder. “You’re amazing.”

“She has a point,” Todd said, firing off a question about Hobbs’s wager. “I should make you rest now that we’ve had a wild night.”

“I don’t know about you, Todd,” Dirk replied cheerfully, “but I’m in this for wild _nights_ , plural.”

“Dirk, I mean it,” Todd said, resting his chin atop Dirk’s head. “What you’ve been through is serious.”

Dirk snatched the phone out of Todd’s hand successfully this time, frowning at Tina’s next response.

“Middle ground’s logical, I suppose,” he said levelly. “Hobbs thought we would wait until morning.”

Todd took the phone away from Dirk and tossed it in the opposite direction from the tissues, just in case.

“Why would I wait when you’re here,” he said, holding Dirk close, “safe and alive, when I thought…”

“There was a chance we’d never see each other again,” Dirk murmured. “There’s always that chance.”

Todd felt his chest tighten, felt tears sting his eyes and threaten to overflow. “I won’t accept that.”

“Doesn’t matter whether you accept it or not,” Dirk said quietly. “The universe plays dice with us.”

“Not with you, it doesn’t,” said Todd, kissing Dirk’s forehead for emphasis. “Not from what I’ve seen.”

“Heaven knows why it wants me alive,” Dirk whispered. “I’m only _accidentally_ good at what I do.”

“Maybe,” Todd said, snatching a tissue to dab at his eyes and Dirk’s, “but I don’t think _we’re_ an accident.”

“Oh, no, couldn’t be,” said Dirk, sarcastically, commandeering the tissue to blow his nose. “Me? Find love?”

“You didn’t even have the chance,” Todd said angrily. “Blackwing took everything away from you.”

“My sob story’s really going to bore you,” Dirk sniffled. “Stolen childhood, dead parents, _et cetera_.”

“Try me,” Todd said, scooting down so he could bump Dirk’s nose with his own. “After the shit I did to Amanda and my friends, boring would be welcome. Somehow, though, I bet you’ve got me beat.”

Dirk just looked at him, something between laughter and a pained sob catching hiccup-like in his chest.

“You are the only person in the world fucked-up enough to understand my—well, fuck-ups,” he said.

“Something tells me your fuck-ups are _way_ less your fault than my fuck-ups are mine,” Todd replied.

“I don’t like this,” Dirk said, nuzzling Todd’s cheek. “It’s too tongue-twistery. Twister _ish_? Twist—”

With flawless timing, Todd’s stomach growled. That, apparently, was an ideal excuse for Dirk to cuddle Todd and croon nonsense.

“Poor darling,” he murmured, rubbing Todd’s back. “Has this been too much of a work-out for you?”

“Shut up,” Todd sighed, kissing him anyway. “Yours has been low-key cranky since we woke up.”

“I know, but I’ve recently had to re-prioritize. That said, can we go to the place with the pancakes?”

“Every place around here has pancakes. Wait, you mean where you traded clothes with some rando?”

“They were _really_ nice, you have to admit,” Dirk said. “Both the clothes and the pancakes.”

“C’mon,” Todd sighed, pinching Dirk’s backside, which earned him a delighted yelp. “Shower.”


	3. Road Trip

**1.**

Farah shouldn’t have been surprised when, during another midmorning poker game that she was soundly losing, Dirk and Todd showed up. The takeout bags were hardly a surprise, but the glow on them was more noticeable than Tina’s texting gambit had led her to expect.

They had to disband the table and awkwardly arrange themselves on the grass just to make room.

Tina, taking the spot between Farah and Dirk’s crutches, offered Dirk an enthusiastic high five.

“Hang on,” Dirk said, perplexed, a moment after cheerfully accepting. “What was that for?”

Tina gestured pointedly at Todd, who was seated on the other side of Dirk, already fixing food.

“It’s ’cause you banged _that_ , bucko. From 2005 to 2010, there wasn’t a scene kid between Seattle and Chicago that didn’t want what you got.”

Todd side-eyed her over buttering Dirk’s pancakes. “I feel extremely objectified right now.”

“Now, darling,” Dirk said, setting a hand on Todd’s arm. “Tina and Farah—and Amanda, remember that time with the spilled drinks you told me about—put up with it all the time. Let’s take one for the team, shall we?”

Farah snapped her fingers at Dirk. “For the record? Me and my gun _don’t_ put up with it.”

Tina whipped her head around. “That’s so fuckin’ hot,” she said around a huge bite of pancake.

“ _Let’s_?” Todd echoed, offended in Dirk’s direction. “I don’t see anyone objectifying you.”

“That’s not how it went this morning,” Dirk said blandly, unable to hide his smile nonetheless.

“But that wasn’t—oh my God, whatever, fine,” said Todd, in shockingly mild defeat. “It kinda was.”

“Do I even want to  _know_ what you guys are referencing?” Farah asked, glancing at Tina.

Dirk sighed, as if explaining would be tiresome. “Todd thought I would look fetching with—”

“Dirk, we’re not discussing this,” Todd warned, dropping his fork, clapping a hand over Dirk’s mouth.

Dirk went on mumbling through Todd’s hand at a round-eyed Tina, and Farah caught the worst of it.

“Dang!” said Tina, as Todd pulled his hand away. “Get the hell out, man! That _is_ nasty.”

“But—but _no_ ,” Dirk protested, and then, in exasperation, gave up and high-fived her.

Farah looked to Todd, who was staring at the Styrofoam carton in his lap like he wished he could vanish. She kind of felt the same way about the loudmouth beside her, frustrated joy and all.

Hobbs had dug into his food rather than participate, but he was watching with keen intent.

“I don’t know why I bother,” Farah offered, hoping Todd would join her in self-deprecation.

“I’m starting to ask myself the same question,” he said slowly, flashing her a lopsided grin.

“ _Starting_?” Dirk scoffed, punching Todd in the arm. “It’s about two months too late for that,  _and_  you sampled the goods. No take-backsies.”

“Your pop-culture proficiency is pretty disturbing,” Todd said, but didn’t hesitate to kiss him.

“And your curmudgeonliness is really unbecoming in someone our age,” Dirk replied fondly.

Farah started laughing before she could help it—so hard, even, she was afraid she might be sick.

Leaning close in concern, Tina patted Farah on the back until she pulled herself back together.

“Know what, I was lying when I said I didn’t know what Dirk’s thing was,” she blurted. “I’ve been waiting for this. It’s a relief. Now nobody will have to ask me what their deal is, and I can do my job in peace!”

“Looks like you two got the bickering part down pat,” Hobbs said, and everyone stared at him.

“We got the laundry part, too,” Dirk volunteered. “As long as Todd did what I told him, your bed’s currently made to obsolete Cambridge dorm-standard or higher, FYI.”

Intent on rescuing Todd from another facepalm-worthy moment, Farah gave him a resigned look.

“I can’t believe you’re not the one bragging about your night of unbridled passion,” she teased.

“You’d be surprised what I’m not comfortable bragging about,” Todd sighed, taking another bite.

“Why not?” Dirk asked brightly. “I wouldn’t care if you bragged about me. I _want_ you to brag about me. Although—okay, I’m catching on, my bad. If you don’t want me to brag about you to total strangers, I won’t, but please understand these people, our _friends_ , literally had a bet contingent upon revelation of particulars.”

Seemingly tired of Dirk’s monopoly on sex-related preening, Todd threw down his plastic fork.

“Fine,” he said, looking Dirk in the eyes with a hint of challenge. “Dirk looks _great_ wrecked.”

“Thank you,” Dirk said proudly, grabbing the fork so he could eagerly dig in. “One does try.”

“A hundred smackers!” Tina shouted, extending her hands to Farah and Hobbs. “Lay ’em on me!”

Completely smitten with the woman beside her, and tired of being shown up besides, Farah grabbed Tina by the shoulders. If she didn’t put up with ogling, why should she put up with her BFF-slash-coworkers hogging the relationship spotlight?

Tina responded to her request being taken literally by wrapping her arms around Farah’s neck.

“There,” Farah gasped after several intense seconds of a single, syrup-flavored kiss. “One.”

“Ninety-nine to go,” Dirk said happily, “but you’d better finish breakfast before it gets cold.”

Hobbs, almost done with his pancakes, set down his utensils with a concerned expression.

“Is my cat going to need therapy?” he asked, and, this time, absolutely everyone laughed.

 

**2.**

Dirk’s new thing was not only Todd standing over an idyllic Montana vista, or Todd a gorgeous mess in Sherlock Hobbs’s bed, or even Todd pressed briefly against a tree on their way back from the hospital loo.

No, it was also Todd under sleeping bags in the back of a van labeled _AMBOOLENTS_ while Farah and Tina argued up front.

“They’re playing this song over and over to see how long it takes a hundred people to call in and complain!” Farah shouted. “I don’t care if it’s a PR stunt for charity! We are _not_ keeping it on this station!”

“But _99 Red Balloons_ is a classic!” Tina countered. “They throw in the German version every once in a while for variety! You need to fuckin’ _chill_.”

Farah groaned and thumped something, probably the steering wheel or driver’s side door handle.

“This isn’t your favorite comedy sketch by that—that weird, skinny white dude in a suit! This is real life! The guys are trying to sleep back there, and we’re not helping.”

“Um, excuse me,” said Tina, sounding huffy and offended, “but John Mulaney’s _Salt and Pepper Diner_ is based on real life. It’s a thing that actually happened!”

“I can’t believe _this_ is actually happening,” Farah griped, and the music’s volume faded a notch.

Dirk rolled over, lulled by the van’s steady clip, and wiggled against a sleepy Todd. “Hi.”

“We’re in a vehicle with two other people,” Todd hissed, but he didn’t object to Dirk’s tongue in his clever mouth, or Dirk’s hands on his perfect arse. “We’re not doing this.”

“The way they’re arguing, I bet they can hear sod-all,” Dirk whispered, tangling his legs with Todd’s. “We’ve got the luggage back here, too, in case a change of clothes—”

“I swear to God, your sense of timing remains _the worst_ ,” Todd gasped, twitching appreciatively as Dirk breathed warmly against his ear. “Fuck.”

“ _Shhh_ ,” Dirk whispered, emboldened, sliding his hands down the back of Todd’s pants. “D’you think we can keep quiet?”

“I _know_ I can’t,” Todd shot back, but he was already untucking Dirk’s shirt, “and I sure don’t have high hopes where you’re concerned.”

“It serves them right, carrying on,” Dirk crooned, nipping at Todd’s earlobe for good measure.

“If you guys keep that shit up,” Farah called, “I’m dumping your butts off at the next truck stop!”

“Aw, c’mon, leave ’em alone,” Tina said appeasingly. “We can just crank the music back up.”

Mouth clamped shut in chagrin, Dirk clung to Todd until they both shook with silent laughter.

 

**3.**

Driving had never exactly been Todd’s favorite activity, but it wasn’t the worst, either. He could bear the responsibility if it meant that Dirk wouldn’t be taking a shift at the wheel.

Dirk hadn’t even felt the need to fiddle with the radio during the stretches where Todd kept it on.

In the back, as far as Todd knew, Farah and Tina were both asleep. It was past midnight.

“Hey,” Dirk said, reaching over to skim his fingers down Todd’s arm. “You holding up?”

“Yeah,” Todd replied, able to spare him a sidelong glance because the interstate was deserted.

“I’m really glad we’re getting to do all these couple-ish things,” Dirk said, seeming to realize a heartbeat later that they’d been doing that stuff since day one. “As, um, a couple.”

“We win the radio game,” Todd replied smugly. “You know better than to challenge the driver.”

“I forgot I’m meant to do this, though,” Dirk said, reaching over to give Todd’s thigh a squeeze.

Todd took his right hand off the wheel just long enough to reassuringly caress Dirk’s fingers.

“I never realized there was so much nothing out here,” Dirk said. “Not even when they transported me to Blackwing. So much wide open—” he waved his hand “—possibility.”

“For _Twilight Zone_ level shit,” Todd sighed. “I can’t wait to get back to civilization.”

“Don’t knock it too hard, Todd,” Dirk said softly. “It facilitated the possibility of, well, _us_.”

Todd felt his throat constrict. He’d never cease to be amazed and grateful at Dirk’s perspective.

“Call it a hunch,” he said, smiling straight ahead, “but I think we would’ve happened anywhere.”


End file.
